Saturday, July 12, 2014

Class 7/Week 7

Main Presentation: Link







Homework

Practice Exam 2: Link


Extra Materials

Grammar: Sentence Fragments 1. Instructions: link 2. Exercises: link
Grammar: Commas 1. Instructions: link 2. Exercises: link

Friday, July 11, 2014

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Example Student Work: Revision Strategies & Informal Outlines

REVISION STRATEGIES

1:

Revison strategy
strengths for my thesis on supermarket in Califorina are information on author and the poet he is writing about as well as understanding where the writer was coming from in his  what the author is meaning while writing this poem. My weaknesses are not having a very good conclusion. also good of expanded on the time in the supermarket with Whitman,more meaning to the poem.

2:


Immigrants Revision

        In writing my essay on Immigrants I would try to have a more detailed thesis statement, I also need to lengthen and be more descriptive with it so that a clear thesis statement is made.
       In preparing to write my 3 paragraphs, I would need to make sure I include in the first paragraph my mini thesis, so that it connects with my intro.
       I need to be more descriptive with my quotes, showing evidence and analyzing that evidence so that it ties into my thesis statement and correlates with the entire essay.
       I also need to break up my paragraphs so that a 3 paragraphs can be clearly noted, and again tie in my thesis in all 3 paragraphs.

       In conclusion I need again to tie in my thesis statement, my analysis and hopefully anything else I forgot.

INFORMAL OUTLINE:

1:



Introduction: The secret life of Walter Mitty by James Thurber 1939.
Great fiction story.Goes inside the mind of a man who was a war hero and great doctor in his prime of life.
who now cant remember what his wife wants him to buy at the store and who is always telling him what to do.
paragraph 1-The story begins in the middle of a war and  Mitty is a hero quickly turns into him driving a car and his wife yelling at him
to slow down.apparent he was in another place and time in his mind.
paragraph 2- Then story continues Mitty drops off his wife at beauty shop while he is suppose to be shopping.As he drives off see hospital.
His mind goes back to being a surgeon and being asked to help with a hard case and being a hero.-Then Mitty returns trying to remember what he is suppose to buy. and his mind goes to a court room where once again he is a hero.He defends a women who is being treated wrong.
Paragraph 3- towards end of the story Mitty finally stands up to his wife who always talks down to him and bosses him around."Does it ever occur to you that i am sometimes thinking".(150) wife just thinks something is wrong with him for saying that to her. she ask him to wait for her while she checks on something and while he is waiting he goes back to his world were he is facing a firing squad .perfect and motionless,proud and disdainful 'Walter Mitty the undefeated,indstructable to the last.(159,160,161) I think this scene means Walter Mitty Has accepted who he was and who he is now.

2:
Secret life of Walter Mitty

The fantasy world is more exciting that real world events

        Driving a car vs. maneuvering a Naval hydroplane

        Putting regular gloves on and off vs. wearing drs gloves

        Smoking a cigarette vs. having last smoke before a firing squad

3:
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

       The story of “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” can seem very confusing, however it becomes clear that the setting is going back and forth from past to present tense. While reading the story it becomes clear to see that Walter Mitty suffers from post traumatic stress disorder.
       In the beginning of the story the speaker brings us into a navy aircraft during a storm, there is mayhem with people shouting orders. Mitty takes control and is cool and collected a take charge kind of man. “The Old Man’ll get us through,” they said to one another. “The Old Man ain’t afraid of Hell!” (22-23). Then we are back in the present, and poor old man Mitty is taking orders from his wife, he is not a young, fearless commander.  Mitty an aging man who must listen to his wife complain about his driving, his gloves not being on, and his need for snow shoes.
       While driving in his car to go do what his wife has ordered him to do, Mitty again goes to his past in a state of post traumatic stress to a time where he was a doctor in the navy. A well respected man, a doctor that everyone looks up to, “If you would take over, Mitty?” (79). this was something that he was accustomed to being asked, since he was so well regarded by his peers in the navy, it was not unheard of to have Dr Mitty assist in the operating room.
       Yet again, he is yanked back to the present, where old man Mitty has to go shopping to buy his snow shoes, and? What else, if only he could remember. Mitty goes through his list of household things that he might’ve been told to get however, nothing sticks. Back to the past we go, this time Mitty is sitting, cool, calm and collected in a court room. Murder is what he is accused of, no fear though. He makes it loud and clear that he could’ve killed the victim if he wanted to without a problem. Mitty is a sharp shot at any distance and using any hand. Then he remembers, it was dog biscuits he needed to buy!
       In the end Mitty does what he is supposed to do, what his wife orders him to do. Gone are the days of the tough, cool, sharp navy leader, what is left is an aging man who can only remember and think of his days when he was in charge, when he was the ruler, when he was someone important; not to everyone around him but to himself.
      
4:
Araby
by: James Joyce

In the “Araby “, James writes of a young mans adoration of the young girl next door.

He lays on the floor and watches for her through a blind that is but an inch from the sash.
She speaks to him and he cannot remember what he says.
He daydreams of her at school.
He goes to the Araby Bazaar to bring her something back.

It is too late the stalls are closed and the lights go out.
He has nothing to bring to her.
       

REVISED WORK:


April showers bring May flowers.   Ooh, the anticipation of spring.  The much sought after arrival of spring is apparent in E. E. Cummings poem 'In Just'.  The spring season is described in this poem using imagery and diction associated with spring.
     First, spring has a particular smell.   Spring has a very distinct fresh smell.  In Cummings poem,  he describes spring as 'mud-/lucious'(2-3).  Even though mud is usually associated as being dirty, the use of the term 'mud-/lucious' conveys the opposite idea (2-3).  Mud is a result of rain.  The scent of rain is very clean.  So in turn, 'mud-/lucious' would be a very desirable scent.
     Next, sprimg exubes a certain positive energy.  Cummings relays this energy when he writes 'eddieandbill' together to project excitement (6-7).  This gives the diction of the boys renewed energy at the start of the spring season.  The reader can feel this excitement with this writing style.

     Finally,  spring also has a certain look.  Cummings describes the look of spring when he writes 'bettyandisbel come dancing' and 'balloonman whistles'.  The girls dancing relays the imagery of happiness (12)(14).  And the balloonman in the act of whistling also projects a happy time.   People dance and whistle when they are happy.

Example Student Work: Poetry

Poem: Immigrant

In the poem “Immigrants”, Pat Mora uses a baby wrapped in the American flag to symbolize immigrant’s hopes for acceptance into our society, not only for themselves but for their children.

Immigrants that come to America try to have their children adapt to our cultures, by teaching them to eat our foods “feed them mashed hotdogs and apple pie”. (2) And giving them American names, “name them bill and daisy”. (3)

The immigrant children are taught to play American sports, such as football. Speak English “speak to them in thick English/Hallo, babee, hallo”. (7-8).

Sadly their true nationality is merely a whisper “whisper in Spanish or polish when the babies sleep”. (9-11) the fear that is felt that their immigrant children will not be good enough or accepted into our American society “Will they like our boy, our girl, our fine American boy, our fine American girl”. (12-14) the fear of acceptance is clear from the beginning of the poem to the very end, a great effort is made to be accepted into our society; these immigrants give up their culture to try and adapt to ours, from food, sports, and language, to even American names; never really knowing if they will ever be accepted.

Poem: FILLING STATION  (see beautiful blog: http://scotchmutts.blogspot.com/)

In the poem "Filling Station", E. Bishop describes in detail a family run business. While initially painting a negative picture of a dirty filling station the poet is then able to capture the beauty of it by using vivid details and imagery. The reader is given the ability to look beyond the surface and find love and beauty in the most unexpected of places.


With short lines and elaborate detail Bishop describes the unpleasant atmosphere that is the filling station. The poem's first line states "Oh, but it is dirty!"(1), and goes on to describe a father in his "oil-soaked monkey suit"(5), and his "greasy sons assist him"(11).The reader then goes on to question if this family lives at the filling station. Bishop describes what appear to be loving, feminine touches placed throughout the filling station. There are comic books "they lie upon a big dim doily" (23/24) and even a big begonia. A dirty dog lies comfortably on a wicker sofa.Through questioning Bishop has the reader wondering who placed all of these little, loving touches in the filling station. Who embroidered the doily? Who waters the plant? She encourages the reader see past the initial appearance of the filling station and look for a deeper meaning.The poem ends with a bold statement "Somebody loves us all", which is meant to remind the reader that everyone, no matter what the circumstances, has someone that loves them.



Poem: "A Supermarket in California"

The poem a supermarket in Califorina is a prose poem by Allen Ginsberg.  In Berkly in 1955.  He  was one of the lead icons of  the beat movement.  He was born in 1926 and died in 1997.  My first reation to the poem made me feal sad when he said "Will we stroll dreaming of a lost America of  love past blue Automobiles in driveways,home to our silent cottages?" talking of a time when things were more simple.(21)

The author is looking for inspiration. so in the poem he goes into a supermarket where in his imagntion Whitman is there and all the food comes alive to him.He is so inspired that Walt Whitman is there for inspiration. as he says in the poem "I went into the neon supermarket dreaming of your enunerations!"(4).  I think he was searching  for inspiration and wanting to know which direction  go in life by saying "Where  are we going, Walt Whitman? The doors close in a hr!"(15)
    
I also think he wanted to know how life was for Walt Whittman  in his time in America by saying"Ah Dear father graybeard lonely old- courage-teacher,what America did you have?"(18)
     
My conclusion is the author is longing for a simpler time when things where differnt in America. I also think he longs to know his faviorte poet Walt Whitman. his thoughts,his opions and advice for inspiration in his own life as a poet himself in Ginsberg time. Walt  Whitman lived in 1819-1892.He wrote a poem America  that talked about everyone being equal in America. I think Ginsberg  thought life in America was not changing for the best in 1955.                    

Poem: "The School Children"

In “The School Children” Gluck talks about an apple orchard and children.
It was a difficult poem for me to understand at first. Did some research and this
is what I can tell you.

The children are the focus and all important to the mothers life and love.
She sends her children to school.  She does not know the teacher and hopes that the
teacher will teach them well.
           
The apple orchard is the mother’s home. She sends an apple to the teacher
to form a relationship between the teacher and her child. Hopefully the teacher accepts
the teacher as a offering.
            
The orchard is bear without her child at home. She is trusting her child to a
stranger.
           
I enjoyed this poem when I finally could understand the poet. A lot of information
And feeling in this poem.

Example Student Work: Revised


                                    The School Children
                                      By: Louise Gluck


In the poem ‘The School Children” Louise Gluck tells us about the many conflicts a mother faces as she send her child to school. She compares this to apple trees (10-13).
How a mother’s love is extended through a gift of an apple.
            What are the mother’s conflicts as she send her child into the education system? Does she fully trust this system?  How she tries to form a bond between student and teacher (6).
Let us see how she talks about her conflicts of sending a child to school.  This continues through the ages of time.
In many ways this poems is what all mothers fear as you send a child to school. She hopes that the apple she sends with her child to the teacher will form a bond between them (6).  The mother does not know what the teacher is teaching because only the child hears the teacher (10).  A mother has taught and given all her love to her child (2). When the child leaves for school her orchard is bare and has little ammunition left. (11-12). This is where she tells us she has given her child, which she has given all she can up to this point,  over to an education system and a stranger she knows not how they will treat her child. In hopes that they will care and teach the child well.
“The School Children” was a very good poem to read and understand the hidden meanings in the poem. You see how apple trees and apples are compared to a mothers love and loss of control when sending a child into the education system.  She fears that the education system will not give the same care and nurturing she has given to her child.
All mothers through time f that their child will recieve a good education.
           

REDO - Filling Station Analysis


In the poem "Filling Station", E. Bishop describes in detail a family run business. "Oh but it is dirty!"(1). Bishop begins the poem with this exclamatory statement, immediately painting a negative picture of an "oil-soaked, oil-permeated" (3), little filling station. Bishop gives vivid details concerning the appearance of the business, then enables the reader to see past the ugliness to find the love of a family within.

Using short lines and elaborate detail Bishop takes us into the filling station. She describes a father in his "oil-soaked monkey suit"(5) and "his greasy sons assist him"(11). These lines allow the reader to visualize a family run business. The word "Dirty" is repeated three times in the first two paragraphs alone, showing the extent of disdain she feels just being in such an atmosphere.  Bishop then goes on to question if this family resides here. "Do they live at the station?"(14). "It has a cement porch behind the pumps"(15/16).

The poem turns when Bishop begins to describe what appear to be loving, feminine touches placed throughout the porch. There are comic books, "they lie upon a big, dim doily"(23/24) and even "a big hirsute begonia"(27). There is also a dirty dog comfortably lying on a wicker sofa. The placement of these items contradict her initial reaction to her surroundings, allowing the reader to begin to see beyond the unpleasantness and imagine, instead, a home.

"Somebody embroidered the doily"(34). "Somebody waters the plant"(35) These statements allow the reader to imagine who could have placed these items here. Perhaps there is a Wife, Mother or Sister who cares for these things, who cares for these men. This is, after all, a family-run business.
The poem ends with a bold statement "Somebody loves us all", which is meant to remind the reader that everyone, no matter what their circumstances, has someone that loves them. 

Immigrants

In the poem “Immigrants”, Pat Mora uses a baby wrapped in the American flag to symbolize immigrant’s hopes and anxieties for acceptance into our society, not only for themselves but for their children.

This poem is about immigrants that come to America and try to have their children adapt to our cultures, by teaching them much of the American ways, their hope for acceptance is visible in many ways. Immigrants try to teach their children to eat our foods “feed them mashed hotdogs and apple pie”. (2) They are also giving their children American names so that they may fit in to our society a little better; although their skin color may be different than ours, as well as their features and customs; they “name them bill and daisy”. (3) The immigrant children are taught to play American sports in early childhood, such as football. They are taught to speak English “speak to them in thick English/Hallo, babee, hallo”. (7-8) sadly their true nationality is merely a whisper “whisper in Spanish or polish when the babies sleep”. (9-11) the majority of immigrant children can only speak English. The fear that is felt that their immigrant children will not be good enough or accepted into our American society is clear “Will they like our boy, our girl, our fine American boy, our fine American girl”. (12-14)

The fear and anxiety of acceptance is clear from the beginning of the poem to the very end, a great effort is made to be accepted into our society; these immigrants give up their culture to try and adapt to ours, from food, sports, and language, to even American names; never really knowing if they will ever be accepted.

on 'In Just'

April showers bring May flowers.   Ooh, the anticipation of spring.  The much sought after arrival of spring is apparent in E. E. Cummings poem 'In Just'.  The spring season is described in this poem using smell, feelings, and looks associated with spring.
     First, spring has a particular smell.   Spring has a very distinct fresh smell.  In Cummings poem,  he describes spring as 'mud-/lucious'.  Even though mud is usually associated as being dirty, the use of the term 'mud-/lucious' conveys the opposite idea.  Mud is a result of rain.  The scent of rain is very clean.  So in turn, 'mud-/lucious' would be a very desirable scent (2-3).
     Next, sprimg exubes a certain positive energy.  Cummings relays this energy when he writes 'eddieandbill' together to project excitement.  This gives the feeling of the boys renewed energy at the start of the spring season.  The reader can feel this excitement with this writing style (6-7).
     Finally,  spring also has a certain look.  Cummings describes the look of spring when he writes 'bettyandisbel come dancing' and 'balloonman whistles'.  The girls dancing relays a sense of happiness.  And the balloonman in the act of whistling also projects a happy time.   People dance and whistle when they are happy (12) (14).

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Example Student Work: Exam 1 Practice

ARGUMENTATION:
Sample 1:

     Teenagers today have misplaced priorities when it comes to school vs. work.   In the text 'Students Who Push Burgers' by Walter S. Minot, he compares students today to students 25 years ago work and school ethics.  Minot argues that work prioritizes education in American society.  Students today look for instant gratification rather than planning for their futures.   And here lies the start of the educational dilemma in the US.
     So when do students have time for homework ?   When do students have time to study for tests?  Minot states that many students are 'working 20 to 30 hours a week' (24). High school students spend about 33 hours a week in class.  Do not for get to figure teenagers sleep time and social time.  School would be low on the list of priorities.  Plus after working and earning money, teenagers 'feel that they deserve to have fun' (Minot, 31).
     Teenagers work to earn money so they can keep up with the peer pressure of having nice things.  Minot states how teenagers spend their money on 'designer jeans, rock concerts, stereo and / video systems, and, of course, cars' (25-26).  These things are nice, but to get these items teenagers must work to afford them because 'parents refuse to throw their hard-earned money away (Minot, 27).  Because of the need to earn money, education gets put on the back burner.
      Buying nice things is a form of instant gratification.   Education does not produce an instant gratification.    Education takes time to accomplish.  Parents think their children are 'learning the value of money' by working (28).  But in reality, teenagers are sacrificing their education.  Again, this is an example of misplaced priorities by both parents and children. 
     Education definately takes a back-seat to working in society.   As a whole, we need to be able to see the big picture as to the importance of education now.   Teenagers have their whole lives to work ahead of them.  Once teenagers get a taste of money and the power of buying items, education falls to the way-side.  This is a backwards concept, but it is the normal in our society. 

    
Sample 2

The author states that students working while going to high school and college is the decline in American education. He relies on on his memories and experiences in the 1950's as a high school student and on his high school experience with his daughter attending a private high school. He felt they did not need to work.

But i disagree with him. I believe  working while you are in high school or college is a education in itself.  Prepares the student for the work world. How to apply for a job,fill out application,create resume,how to interview for a job and how to balance life with responsibility as well as how to manage and budget their money.
                               
Minot compares his daughter's generation to the standards of the 1950's, when he was in high school.He stated her classmates did not"have to work".(20) But he is not being realistic, he does not know each persons story why they are working and the needs  they may have. Minot states that students who work hard and have ready cash.They will  think they deserve to have fun instead of spending all their free time studying.( 27,28)nobody wants to spend all their free time studying weather or not you work or not.
               
Some people may side with Minor.That students should not work.But students who do not work before graduating from any school will be less successful and less confident in the work place.I'm living proof of this.I worked during high school and college. If i had not worked i would not of been able to go to college and i feel I'm a better employee Thur my work experiences.  I also feel the writer has left out a significant issue a lot of kids had to work during thehigh school years to help their fa miles in the 1950s.  And still today not all fa miles can afford to send children to college without them having a job.

Whether students work or not life needs balance, school, homework,work, chores and play to have a balanced life. No one should spend all their time studying, not realistic, but can learn to balance work and school as well as being able to study and do homework.

“Students who push burgers”

Intro:
         College students and work; are mediocre grades to blame for flipping burgers during the week? Absolutely not, there is no reason why students can’t work and go to school at the same time. Mediocre grades are the student’s fault, part time work while going to school is not the reason.
Main Argument:
         Working while going to school is sometimes a choice, other times a necessity. Many people work and attend school nowadays; it is up to the individual to prioritize. We as a society can’t blame academic failure or mediocre grades on a person’s work schedule.
         There are many single parents working and schooling at the same time, also many adults who are expanding their knowledge or changing careers, yet they maintain average or above average grades. Some students use work as leverage for not having work in on time or missing papers all together.
         College students who have to work, in order to attend school seem to be more focused on their school work. As where students who are working because they need spending money are more laidback, but will use work as an excuse for their performance or lack of in class.
Objection:
         Some people may say their work load is too large, therefore school work suffers. Work must come first in order to pay for schooling, transportation to and fro, home expenses, etc. Single parents do not have the help of a partner so all expenses are their sol responsibility, again making work #1.
Reply:
         My reply to the argument that some students must concentrate on work in order to attend school, therefore making their grades suffer is this. Why bother going to school? If your sole responsibility is work and you have no extra time to study, then you should not be in school. It is a waste of your money if you continue to work and go to school but achieve less then mediocre grades. You must prioritize!
Conclusion:
         Working and schooling can go hand and hand, but you first must have a plan, be serious, and prioritize. Many people do both these days; blaming work for poor grades is a copout, and a poor one. There is no reason why you can’t receive a good education while working, except for laziness. Knowledge is power and only you as an individual can decide if you can do both.

Sample 3:

"Children Need to Play, Not Compete", by Jessica Statsky

This essay was written to voice the author's concern that children's sports have become too competitive. Jessica Statsky uses compelling evidence to prove that children's sports have become more about winning and less about kids just having fun.

The author points out that children between the ages of six and twelve are physically unprepared for the stressors of contact and non-contact sports. "A twelve year old trying to throw a curve ball, for example, may put abnormal strain on a developing arm and shoulder muscles sometimes resulting in lifelong injuries" (21-23). Contact sports are the most dangerous, causing numerous concussions, facial and neck injuries, broken bones, the list of potential injuries is endless. Some children are so afraid of getting hurt that they even fake injuries so they can stay home or sit out of the game.

Psychologically these sports can also be damaging to our youth. Starting from Kindergarten on children are advanced based on their abilities. The better you are the more you get to play. More value is placed on "Winning" than just having fun. Granted, if we were dealing with adults this would seem logical, but to a five year old who just wants to "have fun", this rejection could have an everlasting, negative effect on their self-esteem. Why can't I play? Oh, because I'm not good enough. These kids are too young and impressionable to be subjected to such a competitive atmosphere.

The author neglected to mention that there are all too many parents' who even "force" their children to play these sports. Perhaps they are living vicariously through their children. Maybe they truly believe that competitive sports will somehow make their child more likely to succeed in life. I personally, have witnessed a child scream, cry and beg his Father to let him skip his football game that particular day, I also watched helplessly as that same Father physically forced his son into the car and take him to that game he so clearly did not want to play.

Jessica Statsky has argued this issue effectively. She used many supporting quotes and resources which help to prove her point that children really do need to play. Save the competition for us adults. After all, you only get one childhood. 


      
ANALYSIS AND RESPONSE   


Pre-writing:subject poem

Disaster happens while life goes on as usual.First stanza talks about life going on as normal when disaster happens.
Second stanza speaks of  painting by Lacrus that has landscape with the fall of Icarus.Painting and the poem talk about the the subject tragedy happens as ordinary life is lived .Tone of the poem is all humans suffer but life goes on.People are so involved in their own life's to even notice the tragedy's around them.
Imagery shows disaster happening to the boy and the response to it by a p lough-man and expensive delicate ship.Boy not important to them

     Essay: " Muse'e Des Be aux ale ts written by W.H.Auden

           Speaking of disaster in human life. As normal life is happening,Author refers to a painting  were he  gives examples of people who see or hear the tragedy of the boy falling into the lake, but go on as if it did not happen.
Can still be true today also in life today people are so rushed a lot of times we don't even notice the people around us let alone a tragedy happening to someone.
Examples author uses at  the beginning of the poem, are How it takes place while someone is eating,opening a window or just walking a duly along.(4)
Second stanza talks about suffering how everything turns away quite easily from the disaster;the plough-man may have heard splash,the forsake of a cry(14,15) and the expensive delicate ship must seen something amazing  away falling out of the sky,had somewhere to just go and sailed calmly on(18,19,20)
Poem was written in 1938 still holds true today 2014 people are so involved own life's  don't notice disaster around them everyday in human life.


Revision strategies: 

The overall strengths of the letter is the writer tells why he should not be mandated to do community service and that it  should be on a volunteer basis.

The overall weakness of the letter is the format has a lot of repeating of same things and slandering the board by saying faculty does not do community service,saying community service is slave labor and saying the most important part of college is parties  and dating.

Word usage is a big part of students weakness in the letter. We,a group of students,Do not need we and group to describe who letter is coming from.But many of them will fail to show up. don't need to use many and them to describe who you are talking about.Now students are too busy.  don't use now could use  just students are too busy. Misspelling of waste, it was spelled waist in the letter. Use spell checker. 

Overall content is attacking the faculty and more of a rebellious letter then a serious letter about the reason community service should not be required. attacking someone is notmature or sincere in what you want.Need to be straight forward and not make excuses just present facts only.