Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Example Student Work: Exam 1 Practice

ARGUMENTATION:
Sample 1:

     Teenagers today have misplaced priorities when it comes to school vs. work.   In the text 'Students Who Push Burgers' by Walter S. Minot, he compares students today to students 25 years ago work and school ethics.  Minot argues that work prioritizes education in American society.  Students today look for instant gratification rather than planning for their futures.   And here lies the start of the educational dilemma in the US.
     So when do students have time for homework ?   When do students have time to study for tests?  Minot states that many students are 'working 20 to 30 hours a week' (24). High school students spend about 33 hours a week in class.  Do not for get to figure teenagers sleep time and social time.  School would be low on the list of priorities.  Plus after working and earning money, teenagers 'feel that they deserve to have fun' (Minot, 31).
     Teenagers work to earn money so they can keep up with the peer pressure of having nice things.  Minot states how teenagers spend their money on 'designer jeans, rock concerts, stereo and / video systems, and, of course, cars' (25-26).  These things are nice, but to get these items teenagers must work to afford them because 'parents refuse to throw their hard-earned money away (Minot, 27).  Because of the need to earn money, education gets put on the back burner.
      Buying nice things is a form of instant gratification.   Education does not produce an instant gratification.    Education takes time to accomplish.  Parents think their children are 'learning the value of money' by working (28).  But in reality, teenagers are sacrificing their education.  Again, this is an example of misplaced priorities by both parents and children. 
     Education definately takes a back-seat to working in society.   As a whole, we need to be able to see the big picture as to the importance of education now.   Teenagers have their whole lives to work ahead of them.  Once teenagers get a taste of money and the power of buying items, education falls to the way-side.  This is a backwards concept, but it is the normal in our society. 

    
Sample 2

The author states that students working while going to high school and college is the decline in American education. He relies on on his memories and experiences in the 1950's as a high school student and on his high school experience with his daughter attending a private high school. He felt they did not need to work.

But i disagree with him. I believe  working while you are in high school or college is a education in itself.  Prepares the student for the work world. How to apply for a job,fill out application,create resume,how to interview for a job and how to balance life with responsibility as well as how to manage and budget their money.
                               
Minot compares his daughter's generation to the standards of the 1950's, when he was in high school.He stated her classmates did not"have to work".(20) But he is not being realistic, he does not know each persons story why they are working and the needs  they may have. Minot states that students who work hard and have ready cash.They will  think they deserve to have fun instead of spending all their free time studying.( 27,28)nobody wants to spend all their free time studying weather or not you work or not.
               
Some people may side with Minor.That students should not work.But students who do not work before graduating from any school will be less successful and less confident in the work place.I'm living proof of this.I worked during high school and college. If i had not worked i would not of been able to go to college and i feel I'm a better employee Thur my work experiences.  I also feel the writer has left out a significant issue a lot of kids had to work during thehigh school years to help their fa miles in the 1950s.  And still today not all fa miles can afford to send children to college without them having a job.

Whether students work or not life needs balance, school, homework,work, chores and play to have a balanced life. No one should spend all their time studying, not realistic, but can learn to balance work and school as well as being able to study and do homework.

“Students who push burgers”

Intro:
         College students and work; are mediocre grades to blame for flipping burgers during the week? Absolutely not, there is no reason why students can’t work and go to school at the same time. Mediocre grades are the student’s fault, part time work while going to school is not the reason.
Main Argument:
         Working while going to school is sometimes a choice, other times a necessity. Many people work and attend school nowadays; it is up to the individual to prioritize. We as a society can’t blame academic failure or mediocre grades on a person’s work schedule.
         There are many single parents working and schooling at the same time, also many adults who are expanding their knowledge or changing careers, yet they maintain average or above average grades. Some students use work as leverage for not having work in on time or missing papers all together.
         College students who have to work, in order to attend school seem to be more focused on their school work. As where students who are working because they need spending money are more laidback, but will use work as an excuse for their performance or lack of in class.
Objection:
         Some people may say their work load is too large, therefore school work suffers. Work must come first in order to pay for schooling, transportation to and fro, home expenses, etc. Single parents do not have the help of a partner so all expenses are their sol responsibility, again making work #1.
Reply:
         My reply to the argument that some students must concentrate on work in order to attend school, therefore making their grades suffer is this. Why bother going to school? If your sole responsibility is work and you have no extra time to study, then you should not be in school. It is a waste of your money if you continue to work and go to school but achieve less then mediocre grades. You must prioritize!
Conclusion:
         Working and schooling can go hand and hand, but you first must have a plan, be serious, and prioritize. Many people do both these days; blaming work for poor grades is a copout, and a poor one. There is no reason why you can’t receive a good education while working, except for laziness. Knowledge is power and only you as an individual can decide if you can do both.

Sample 3:

"Children Need to Play, Not Compete", by Jessica Statsky

This essay was written to voice the author's concern that children's sports have become too competitive. Jessica Statsky uses compelling evidence to prove that children's sports have become more about winning and less about kids just having fun.

The author points out that children between the ages of six and twelve are physically unprepared for the stressors of contact and non-contact sports. "A twelve year old trying to throw a curve ball, for example, may put abnormal strain on a developing arm and shoulder muscles sometimes resulting in lifelong injuries" (21-23). Contact sports are the most dangerous, causing numerous concussions, facial and neck injuries, broken bones, the list of potential injuries is endless. Some children are so afraid of getting hurt that they even fake injuries so they can stay home or sit out of the game.

Psychologically these sports can also be damaging to our youth. Starting from Kindergarten on children are advanced based on their abilities. The better you are the more you get to play. More value is placed on "Winning" than just having fun. Granted, if we were dealing with adults this would seem logical, but to a five year old who just wants to "have fun", this rejection could have an everlasting, negative effect on their self-esteem. Why can't I play? Oh, because I'm not good enough. These kids are too young and impressionable to be subjected to such a competitive atmosphere.

The author neglected to mention that there are all too many parents' who even "force" their children to play these sports. Perhaps they are living vicariously through their children. Maybe they truly believe that competitive sports will somehow make their child more likely to succeed in life. I personally, have witnessed a child scream, cry and beg his Father to let him skip his football game that particular day, I also watched helplessly as that same Father physically forced his son into the car and take him to that game he so clearly did not want to play.

Jessica Statsky has argued this issue effectively. She used many supporting quotes and resources which help to prove her point that children really do need to play. Save the competition for us adults. After all, you only get one childhood. 


      
ANALYSIS AND RESPONSE   


Pre-writing:subject poem

Disaster happens while life goes on as usual.First stanza talks about life going on as normal when disaster happens.
Second stanza speaks of  painting by Lacrus that has landscape with the fall of Icarus.Painting and the poem talk about the the subject tragedy happens as ordinary life is lived .Tone of the poem is all humans suffer but life goes on.People are so involved in their own life's to even notice the tragedy's around them.
Imagery shows disaster happening to the boy and the response to it by a p lough-man and expensive delicate ship.Boy not important to them

     Essay: " Muse'e Des Be aux ale ts written by W.H.Auden

           Speaking of disaster in human life. As normal life is happening,Author refers to a painting  were he  gives examples of people who see or hear the tragedy of the boy falling into the lake, but go on as if it did not happen.
Can still be true today also in life today people are so rushed a lot of times we don't even notice the people around us let alone a tragedy happening to someone.
Examples author uses at  the beginning of the poem, are How it takes place while someone is eating,opening a window or just walking a duly along.(4)
Second stanza talks about suffering how everything turns away quite easily from the disaster;the plough-man may have heard splash,the forsake of a cry(14,15) and the expensive delicate ship must seen something amazing  away falling out of the sky,had somewhere to just go and sailed calmly on(18,19,20)
Poem was written in 1938 still holds true today 2014 people are so involved own life's  don't notice disaster around them everyday in human life.


Revision strategies: 

The overall strengths of the letter is the writer tells why he should not be mandated to do community service and that it  should be on a volunteer basis.

The overall weakness of the letter is the format has a lot of repeating of same things and slandering the board by saying faculty does not do community service,saying community service is slave labor and saying the most important part of college is parties  and dating.

Word usage is a big part of students weakness in the letter. We,a group of students,Do not need we and group to describe who letter is coming from.But many of them will fail to show up. don't need to use many and them to describe who you are talking about.Now students are too busy.  don't use now could use  just students are too busy. Misspelling of waste, it was spelled waist in the letter. Use spell checker. 

Overall content is attacking the faculty and more of a rebellious letter then a serious letter about the reason community service should not be required. attacking someone is notmature or sincere in what you want.Need to be straight forward and not make excuses just present facts only.

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