Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Example Student Work: Exam 2

Analysis & Response:


1.

“Digging”

       In the poem “Digging” by Seamus Heaney, a young man is sitting by the window with a pen in his hand. He can hear the sound of a spade hitting gravel, while his father is digging outside the window. The son has no spade to dig with he can only use his pen; he will use his pen to get ahead in life.
       The image is that of a potato farm, the smell of wet sod and moldy potatoes. The sound of spades hitting gravel, the old man can still dig, his father before him could dig better than them all. “By god the old man could handle a spade. Just like his old man” (Heaney 15-16).
       “But I’ve no spade to follow men like them” (Heaney 28). The sacrifices seem to have been made by his grandfather and father, working the potato farm, so that perhaps he could get an education. He has a pen in his hand, which is his spade; he’ll use his pen to become something in life.
       He will not have to do the hard labors like his family before him, gone are the days of digging. No more potatoes or sod, no more spades. All he has are memories of his grandfather digging, the struggle of life, the sacrifices made so that he could have better.
       The sacrifices that our made, in order for us to have a better future; are clear in this poem. It’s very clear that we all make sacrifices so our children and grandchildren can have a better life. Whether it is working harder so our children don’t have too, we try to provide a better future for our children; we are all digging.


Argumentation:


1. 

“Why We Crave Horror Movies”
Intro:
       In reading “Why we crave horror movies” by Stephen King, the speaker states that most people who love horror stories are mentally ill in some form or another. King also suggests that most people love the sick act’s of cruelty, the ugliness of it all. I disagree with all of his suggestions; I believe a horror film is simply a scary movie made to scare us to the core. It’s in good fun, I don’t think you have to be mentally challenged to enjoy it or have some kind of sick secret desire for the gore that often comes with a horror movie.

Main Argument:
       Horror movies have been around for ages, there is something that horror junkie’s love, whether it is the suspense, the plot, or seeing who will make it out alive. We flock to the theater in hopes of a good scare, something that will have us on the edge of our seats waiting for what comes next. King states “If we are all insane, then sanity becomes a matter of degree” (King 8).  I don’t think you need to be insane in order to love horror movies, for some its just the thrill of the rush.
         “The mythic horror movie, like the sick joke, has a dirty job to do. It deliberately appeals to all that is worst in us” (King 12). Again, King suggest that there is a deep, dark morbid want in all of us that draw us to horror films. I believe there is no sick hidden desire within us that makes us crave horror, It’s the creepy music, the suspense, the monster hiding that we can see but the person in the movie can’t that has us running to the theater.
         King’s horror movies have been around for some time, they are gruesome, gory, and down right scary! On the opening night of his latest horror film you will find a packed movie theater, perhaps sold out shows, and people lining up in hopes to be scared silly. Most people on those lines are perfectly sane, or at least look like they are.

Objection:
       Some might suggest that there is truth to King’s analysis of horror movie lovers. You must be insane or have something mentaly wrong with you to want and go see people getting killed.

Reply:
         No, there is no mental illness! It is an individual desire for horror that keeps us coming back for more. The hairs on our neck standing up, the music that makes us cover our eyes to whats coming next.

Conclusion:
       Having seen many horror films in my life I must say that they are good fun, not watching someone getting bludgened but getting scared out of your pants. There is no dark hidden agenda, no mental illness, no sick deep desire for death. To suggest such a thing is ignorance; I  like horror and I am perfectly sane, at least most of the time.



Revision Strategies:

1. 


      This essay has a clear thesis in its introduction; however there is a lot of street slang, bad grammar. I would take out the parenthesis and money symbols; change it to “I’ve discovered that I’m good at the night life, spending money on the latest fashions, hottest girls, clubs and cuisine.
      First body paragraph omit top shelves and make it best products, also omit 2g’s and make if 2 thousand.
      Second body paragraph change first sentence to “In getting ready for the night life; I always wear designer clothing”. Omit “or different countries (not from America)”.
      Third body paragraph omit “chill” street slang change to hang out, omit “chilling”.
      Forth body paragraph change “Every time when I see pretty girls” make it “When I see pretty girls” remove parenthesis in entire paragraph. Change “I also help broke out the stereotype” to “I also helped change the stereotype”. Remove “we” in last sentence and change to “Asians”.
      Fifth body paragraph change “fresh (clothes)” to “designer clothes”. Change grammar “when I get sober up” to “Once I am sober”.
      Conclusion omit “ever since I party” and (18) make it “Partying at the young age of 18”. Change $$ symbol, write out word money. Remove “on my pockets, when I gain consciousness some lady told me they left. She reminded me don’t ever drink that hard unless you’re at home and you should feel lucky to be alive cause it could have been worse”. Remove “In finishing off”.

      Overall I think the thesis was clear; however there was a lot of bad grammar and the use of symbols and parenthesis needed to be changed.

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